Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.