How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
All farts...are laughing gas.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.