I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.