What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.