I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.