Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.