Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.