What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Only a**holes use bidets.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.