Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.