What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
All farts...are laughing gas.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.