I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.