Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist when they go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Only a**holes use bidets.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.