Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.