What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.