In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
All farts...are laughing gas.