My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”