In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.