What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
When is it okay to wash your shoes in the toilet?
When there's a bidet. People use them to wash their booties.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.