What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.