Only a**holes use bidets.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".