Trained Jokes

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
A man sitting at a bar after work shares with the bartender why he is looking so stressed, “I’m not sleeping well. I have nightmares about a monster under my bed and I am too embarrassed to seek help.” A patron nearby overhears this and introduces himself, “I overheard your story and I am a psychiatrist. Maybe I can help. The first thing is you recognize these are only dreams, and that is obvious so I should be able to help you in a few sessions. Here’s my card, give me a call.” A few weeks pass and the same two are once again at the bar after work. The psychiatrist says to the other guy, “Hi, how goes the nightmares? I never heard from you so I hope you are doing okay.” The other guy says, “things are great, the bartender helped me.” Psychiatrist, “the bartender helped you? You needed a trained professional to help you, what possibly could a bartender do that a psychiatrist couldn’t?” The other guy says, “he told me to saw the legs off my bed.”
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”

- Corey Ford.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.