A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry... I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch. "What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other. "Just make a ton of noise," says the other. The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots. I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!