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Eye Jokes

Family Puns
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
Classic Pick Up Lines
I think there’s something wrong with my eye. I can’t take them off of you.
If I Had a Dollar... Jokes
If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse...
I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need.
Tiger Puns
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Meat Puns
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Cosmetics Puns
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
Tableware Puns
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Great Catch - I'll Buy You Dinner
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards, they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible. "You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines
You’re the pumpkin pie of my eye.
Food Poems
How to spell the potato has tried
Many minds, sometimes mine, I’ll confide.
Though it may have an eye,
There’s no E – don’t ask why!
Not until it’s been baked, boiled or fried.
Tarzan's Injuries
Tarzan of the Apes was fighting a Lion in Africa. He won, but at the price of his eye, his arm, and his penis. His jungle friends back home said they would help him out by giving him the spare parts he needed. They gave him the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant’s trunk for a penis. A couple weeks pass and a chimp comes by to ask Tarzan how his new parts are. Tarzan says “Eye, make Tarzan see far!” “Arm, make Tarzan strong!” “But Tarzan no like new wee-wee!!” The chimp asks “why not?” Tarzan makes a curling motion with his arm, mimicking an elephant’s trunk and says, “It keeps picking weeds and shoving them up Tarzan’s ass!”
Deer Puns
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
Funny Animal Quotes
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”

- Sir Winston Churchill.
Soap Puns
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Halloween Pick Up Lines
Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back?