What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”

What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!

What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!

Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?

You are shrimply the best!

Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.

Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.

Seas the day!

I think you're mer-mazing.

Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.

Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.

What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.

What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.

Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.

What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.

I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.

Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.

What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.

Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.

What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!

Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!

Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!

What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.

What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.

What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.

What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!

What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!

Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.

Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.

If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.

Shes a fairy realistic person.

I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.

I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.

Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.

Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?
It'll melt your heart.

You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.

Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.

All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:

"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."

Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!

What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”

Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!

Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.

I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...

The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!

Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.

What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!