I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Seas the day!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
You mermaid to go far.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
You are shrimply the best!
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
You really mermaid my day.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.