A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Fishing you a happy day.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
You really mermaid my day.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
I have a bone to pixie with you.
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
You are shrimply the best!
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Call me on the shellphone.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
We were mermaid for each other.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.