Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
You seem a little mer-mad.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Don't fork-get your manners.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Fairies just spell trouble.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.