I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
Shell-abrate the good times!
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Call me on the shellphone.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.