The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Why can't we make jokes about the cutlery incident?
It's too spoon.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.