why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
Did you know there are exactly 239 beans in Irish stew?
Any more and it would be two farty...
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!