Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.