My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!