What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.