Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Which drawing utensil is the fastest?
The e-racer.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.