How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I really hate straws.
They suck.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Someone stole my cutlery set, but we were unable to identify the thief
It was stainless steel.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
My wife got a straw for her drink...
When she sat down, she took a sip, and frustratedly sighed "My straw has a hole in it!"
I replied "I should hope it has two!"
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!