How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!