I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
What happened to your arm, Greg? And why are you eating that giant bowl of herbs?
"You know what they say, Margaret"
"Thyme heals all wounds".
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
It had grater plans.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.