What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
What did the glass say to the window?
"I'm in pane."
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"