How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
What did the astronaut see in his frying pan?
An Unidentified Frying Object.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.