What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
What do you call a stolen jar?
A free mason.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I almost got into a fight with a bendy straw.
When I put it in my drink, it tried to flex on me.