Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Did you know cutlery scams require the most patience?
You've got to play the long prong.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.