Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in a frying pan?
Take away its tiny brooms
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
Why does the superhero shred his cheese?
For the grater good.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
I thought I checkmated my dad with my new glass set in chess...
But he saw right through it
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
I really hate straws.
They suck.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
My kids say my cooking is incredible...
with a silent 'cr'
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.