What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
My bedroom now has a stained glass window....
A pigeon just flew right into it.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.