I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
It's half empty.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.