Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.