What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Go big or go gnome.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.