Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.