Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Go big or go gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."