Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.