Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Go big or go gnome.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.