Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Go big or go gnome.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.