A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.