Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.