I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.