Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Go big or go gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.