Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Go big or go gnome.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?