Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Go big or go gnome.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!