Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…