Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.