Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Go big or go gnome.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.