What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Go big or go gnome.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!