Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…