My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.