I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.