What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.