I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."