What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"