What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!