What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.