This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.