What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.