Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.