What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.