What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!