What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."