Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.