I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Dialysis is a blood bath.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.