In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
All farts...are laughing gas.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.