I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
This can of deodorant said it "Lasts 24 hours"...
So the next day I bought another can.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
All farts...are laughing gas.
I always hate having to unblock the toilet.
I’m never quite ready to take the plunge.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.