My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog poo. Someone came up behind me and slipped as well. Trying to sympathize, I said "I just did that!"
They slapped me and said "use the toilet next time"
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
In a recent study, NASA scientists confirmed that Uranus smells like farts.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.