Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do you call a deodorant that's never happy?
A deodor-rant.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
How did dinosaurs clean their teeth?
With flossils.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
I always start my day with makeup. It's the foundation for a good day, y'know? It covers up anything from yesterday and really sets things in place so I can powder through my work.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.