Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
The urinals were broken at my dad's work
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom. When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin
but I don't sink sew.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."