Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
A thief stole my toothbrush.
It left a bad taste in my mouth.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Never fart in an apple store
They don't have windows.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.