Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"