If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
So Chanel is making a new perfume made entirely of rain water.
It’s called the Weather Chanel.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started.
I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you have plaque on your wall?"
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure