All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Dad asked if he could borrow my deodorant.
I said "sure, no sweat."
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to go two spots away, it's called "social pisstancing".
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
I ran out of toilet paper last week, tried the closest thing I could find: the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in...
The Times are really Rough!
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."