What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call an East-European cosmetic?
Nail Polish.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.