People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit?
Floss Vegas.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Two monkeys get in a bath. The first one say’s “ooh ooh aah ooh aah”
The second one say’s “well put some cold water in it then”
Why doesn't the tooth fairy like dental instruments?
She finds them obtooth.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
If you’re Russian to the bathroom, Finnish when you leave, what are you while you are in?
European.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.