After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?
Dereliction of doodie.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
I can't find my scrubber in the shower
It's aloof-ah
A sales guy tried to sell me on a new preparation to wash my hair with, which supposedly contains the excrements of some very special rainforest animal or whatever.
I think it was Scampoo.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?