What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
This s***ty toilet broke down again!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
My kid didn't want to tell me that his tooth was loose.
I had to pull it out of him.
I used to be pretty nifty tap dancer...
Until I fell into the sink.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
My dentist pulled out the wrong tooth...
He said it was acci-dental.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself...
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Only a**holes use bidets.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Dialysis is a blood bath.
Why was James Bond kicked out of a toilet?
Because it was not agent's toilet.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
I saw a show where all the man did was sit on the toilet.
It was a s**tshow.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.