How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What do you call a food waste disposter installed in the sink?
In-sink-erator
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.