I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
Why don't pirates shower before walking the plank?
Because they washup on shore.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Don't ever think dentists are perfect individuals
They most certainly have floss.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I forgot to put on deodorant this morning, so I went to the store on my way to work.
It was a quick pit stop.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.