What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
I ran out of deodorant.
I guess I'll go online and odor some more.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Have you heard Mariah Kleenex's big holiday single?
It's called "I Don't Want a Snot for Christmas"
Every time I flush the toilet...
Sh** goes down
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the a**.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed an opportunity to call it "Substi-tooths"
Only a**holes use bidets.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
I once knew an arrogant sponge.
He was very self absorbed
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Walked into a restroom and saw an "Out of order" sign on a urinal.
It's going to be tough to move all these urinals to get them back in the right order....
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?
I keep a log.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What's more important, shampoo or conditioner?
Is it the foamer or the lather?
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.