Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
I could have sworn that my skin had changed color
But it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush ...
Safe to say I have pipe dreams!
Dialysis is a blood bath.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
I was alone in the bath.
Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
My family and I like to sleep during the day.
They are my napkin.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I couldn't tell if the dog truly had to poop or if he was just faking it to go outside.
Turns out he was full of s**t.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.