Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
Why do vampires clean their teeth three times a day?
To prevent bat breath.
I just broke my wife’s favorite perfume bottle, she’s gonna be fuming!
what's the best day of the week to poop?
saTURDay.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I’m clean now.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
What do you call related toilet rolls that sleep together?
Napkins.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Why don't ghosts wear deodorant?
They like to keep it super natural.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.